Fifth letter

Hi, Milo.

That’s your name.  It’s always been your name.  I can barely keep it from bursting through my lips.  I’m terrible at keeping secrets…you are Milo, Milo, Milo.  When I feel you kick and I say your name and ask you what you’re up to.  Your Daddy puts his mouth right against my belly and says your name in a deep, rumbly voice- I think he thinks you’ll hear him better that way- and it tickles me and we’re both laughing and talking to you.  Milo.

I’m just sitting here and thinking about you.  Once you’re here, you’ll never know me as anything but your Mama.  But right now I’m something in between the old me and your Mama and sometimes it’s really amazing to me that I will be yours and you will be mine.  I wonder a lot of things about these days.  Who will you look like, Daddy or me?  What will you love to do?  Will you have a favorite toy, a favorite movie, a favorite food?  Will you be fussy or sassy or quiet?  I can’t imagine you being a quiet kiddo, coming from your Daddy and I, but maybe you will be!  You’re such a mystery right now, and it’s so cool to think that literally anything can happen.  Cool and scary and overwhelming and beyond any understanding I have of the world right now.  That pretty much sums up how I’ve felt since I’ve known you were inside me.

I am 6 months pregnant tomorrow, which means that you have about four more months of growing to do.  Maybe a little less.  Maybe a little more.  Right now you are the size of a papaya, and you move around a lot.  For a long time, you were laying on a nerve in my back and my legs acted all funny, but I think you knew you were making me sore, and you moved.  You can hear noises, and we talk and sing to you, but I haven’t figured out what books I want to share with you yet.  Books are such a huge part of my life, and I want to make sure that the first ones I read to you are really good, but maybe I’m putting too much pressure on the situation.  I’m sure you’ll love whatever you hear.

Daddy built your crib in the nursery, and I ordered a little decoration to put on the wall above where you sleep.  We’ve been given lots of blankets and clothes for you, and we have most of the furniture that will make up your little kingdom all organized.  This summer I want to finish making everything perfect in your room, and maybe learn to sew you something.  My mama sewed me a blanket when I was a baby.  It’s in my bed right now, still.  Don’t worry if you don’t hang on to yours for that long- I’ll understand.  Still, I want there to be something I made in the crib with you.

We’re very much in between our old life and the life of parents that we’ve been looking forward  to; Daddy and I are finishing house projects, and going on little day trips, and figuring out our finances, and booking plane tickets, and wrapping up loose ends because, once you are here, we are positive that we are going to have eyes for nothing besides you.  Milo, you are so, so, so, so, so, so loved.  And you haven’t even done anything yet!  Talk to you soon, my little sweetheart.

Love, Your Mama

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